Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
