hell yes lets make some ravioli
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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