Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
