recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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