Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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