god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
