The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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