I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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