He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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