Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
