i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
