Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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