I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
