Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
