it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize