Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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