Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
