so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
