I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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