it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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