If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
