I skipped work to stalk him.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
