He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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