You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my poor anus
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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