Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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