I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
