It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
