You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
