Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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