who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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