Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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