As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
