I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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