I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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