What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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