I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
