First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
