I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
