I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
