So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
