sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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