DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
