OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
