Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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