I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
