When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
