My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
