The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize