Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
