Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A bitchslap is in order.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
