Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
