Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize