The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
