you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
