And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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