you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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