***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
please come you make the beer taste better
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
