Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
