**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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