i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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