i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Farmville is her only friend.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
