if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
