Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
