i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
