Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
