Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
