im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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