yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
