my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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