my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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