mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
