I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
