i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
