Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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