At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
