cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
