All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Your dad touched me again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
