YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
