I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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