dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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