People in love make me want to vomit
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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