I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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