he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
