I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
