Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
my poor anus
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
