Just cropdusted the office
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
