I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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