Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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