ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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