i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
