Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize