I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
