so let's talk penis.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
