Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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