So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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